mommy, attention & being prickly.

When I think about the times I've had a prickly attitude, I come to the realization that it's because I need attention. That would be-- Attention from my husband. Looking at it from the outside, I think, "what a stinky way to get it". From a logical standpoint, this clearly would be counterproductive; It would actually work the opposite.

But while I was in my 'thinking closet' (aka the shower), the place where I can think clearly with no distractions, I realized, using my Mommy senses, that while being a Mommy, you are 'needed' in a lot of areas and in several directions at the same time. This can be a lot of work.

Even to the point of feeling like you're playing that whack-a-mole game at chuck e. cheese with my kids and all the problems of the day being the moles. The faster I whack them, the quicker another one pops up, with seemingly no end in sight. You know what I mean-- you put out one 'fire' only to have another one emerge as so-and-so is screaming because someone took their toy and this one over here has just painted the wall with spaghetti hands and then...

We all have those days. To say I don't would be a lie. And if I have a lot of those days one after the other, I just might find myself throwing my own fit. Not on a regular basis, but enough. On top of that, throw in some other responsibilities pulling on me and that might be enough to push me over the edge.

I need attention, I need a little coddling sometimes, I need a moment where it's just about me. Maybe it's childish, but as a pastor's wife, a wife, a daughter and a mommy, I sometimes find myself pushing my husband away just to bring him closer. Blame it on all my junk that I collected while not being saved the first 25 years of my life, but sometimes I feel drained.

I will never get what I give in this world, but does that matter? One day I will receive my inheritance from God. The reason I do what I do.