Friday, July 12, 2013

the day tallulah was born.

Psalm 34:3-8

Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
    and let us exalt his name together!
I sought the Lord, and he answered me 
 and delivered me from all my fears.  
Those who look to him are radiant,
    and their faces shall never be ashamed. 
This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him
    and saved him out of all his troubles. 
The angel of the Lord encamps
    around those who fear him, and delivers them.
Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
    Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!

My Dear Sweet Tallulah,

Your birth has brought me to a place closer to God who is always faithful and real.

The night before I was scheduled to check into the hospital and be induced to deliver you, I had one of the best nights of sleep. I woke up a little before six and started to get ready to leave with Daddy for the hospital. Everything was in order and went really easy. But while your Daddy was in the shower and I sat down to have a bowl of cereal, I began getting nauseous.

It got so bad that I couldn't eat even one more bite. I poured the rest of my cereal into the sink, a little agitated knowing I wouldn't be eating for the whole day.

So I continued putting last minute things together and then, it was time to leave.

I didn’t let it bother me that we were running just a tad behind. I knew we would get there soon enough and as we started on the road I unknowingly swallowed a huge pill of fear.

A big one.

One had released so quickly inside of me that I never saw it coming just that it spread uncontrollably throughout every part of my body and mind too quickly to gather it back up and get it out.

At that time I told Daddy about it and he said and did everything to help me, pray for me and assure me that God was good, in control and that I could take dominion over the fear “in Jesus’ name”.

At that point, I felt like it was already too late.

Like taking a drug and then wishing you hadn’t. The roller coaster had left the gate and there was no getting off till it was over.

It spread.

It was out of control and I was panicking.

I knew it was not of God and that it was a strong spirit which had attached itself to my entire being.

That you were my tenth delivery made me even more upset because I knew better-- yet the fear was worse also cause I did know better.

I knew what I was in for: What could or could not happen at the hospital.

Needless to say, I had a panic attack that drove me to thoughts of fleeing, but to where? My little girl was to be born and I had to walk through a fire if need be to deliver my baby.

to be continued........


Leanne said...

WOW!! So eloquently written and your analogy is SO right on. I've swallowed that pill....

Waiting on the edge of my seat for Part Two!

A Godly Homemaker said...

You stated that feeling so well! Congrats!!

Gail @ said...

Fear is such a terrible thing, isn't it? I just had an MRI this morning and know how easily I can slip into the grip of fear if I'm not diligent. And wow! tenth pregnancy...very special. Bless you.