Tuesday, March 18, 2014

I'm here.

 My heart is feeling better and I am keeping busy with my kiddos and church.

I appreciate all the words of compassion and encouragement from others who read my blog. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I was really moved when a younger brother in our church came up to me feeling awkward before service telling me how sorry he was about my loss. I said thank you and then he walked away not knowing what else to say. Little did he know what a world of difference it made. Just having your hurt acknowledged and someone telling you even in the smallest and even the most awkward way still means the world to the person whose heart is heavy. I even shared it with my husband.

I struggled to overcome the lies from the devil telling me it was my fault and that if I had only done this or that, then I wouldn't have miscarried. Lies. My husband told me they were lies. My sister in-law told me they were lies, but I didn't listen and had to wrestle with God about it until I finally gained a peace about it.

But with that, I became determined to have another baby right away.  Fortunately, after another week had passed, through prayer and listening to God's voice, I found that contentment again with the family God has already given me.

I also had someone tell me that I am most likely done having baby's because my body is worn out and I will start miscarrying every time I get pregnant. Wow-- that one really ate away at my spirit. Thankfully, I just happened to hear a sermon the next day by my Pastor about allowing someone to speak a death sentence over your circumstance and speak that which is actually contrary to the character of God. I felt freedom and victory. Thank you, Pastor Rob. Thank you, Jesus.

And now I'm here and moving forward with each small moment thinking about the baby I lost. With my heart a little more scarred, but trusting in Jesus even more than before.


Vivian said...

happy to hear you are feeling better and relying on God for peace & comfort.
We don't know God's plan for our lives. He may choose to give you more children and He may not. Our heavenly Father knows His plans and we honor Him by giving Him the glory thru all situations in our lives. We are to bring all things to glorify His name, serve Him, bring the lost sheep to Him and to minister to the poor, lame and weak of heart.
satan loves for us to be weak and he knows your tender heart for children...it is fitting for him to whisper lies ... be away with you satan!!
Praying for you!

Tesha Papik said...

That comment was awful!!! I still have comments that haunt me from when Jonathan was born. I have to take the thoughts captive and pray or I can get really angry at the commenters:( Pastor Rob is awesome!!!

You are a beautiful testimony of trusting Jesus! Love you and I am praying for you everyday!

kay said...

I've been where you are, so my praying are with you!! ONLY GOD knows what your future holds. Your steps are ordered of him! He IS faithful!! Always believe! (((HUGS)))