(By the way, I love your name and it's at the top of my list should #8 be a girl!) I guess the first thing I would say is that I'm sorry. I truly am. I'm sorry that in your family, you did not receive the necessary love and care-- emotionally, physically, and spiritually-- that every child needs and desires.
As far as materially things are concerned, my kids are probably a lot closer to being spoiled than neglected. They have toys and bikes and games and on and on. As a matter of fact they have too much. We are a blessed family. We have so many clothes and things that I am constantly having to "prune" our tree. And the stuff we give away (to the thrift store or other friends and families in the church) isn't exactly junk. There's a few Biblical principals that we as a family have followed and have seen at work in our lives: tithe and give offerings at your church and God will bless you greatly (read Malachi 3 in the Bible), and the principle that a man will reap what he sows. If you give generously, God will be generous to you. Not only does my husband work a full-time job, but we, as a family, have given our lives to our church and doing God's work-- the result has been that God has given back to us even more than we need. People give us clothes, new bicycles, food, money-- all kinds of things and not just once or twice, but many times. Someone just recently gave us a new washer and dryer (@ $1500), but we gave them away because we didn't really need them and it was the right thing to do. My kids have so many bikes, scooters and tricycles that they don't even know what to do with them all. This is not bragging-- this is just making clear the testimony of God's blessing in our lives.
Getting enough attention... I don't know what to say except perhaps you should look through my blog and carefully look at the faces of my children. They are loved and they know it. You can see it in their faces and anyone who comes into contact with them knows it immediately.
Who will take care of them should something happen to you?... We belong to a great church family which consists of many families which have nearly identical values as we do. My brother and my husband's brother would take our kids in an instant if we were no longer there, and the truth is, I think they'd do a wonderful job. There are even non-biological church family members that I would trust with them as well. In the case of a tragedy, the situation would be difficult no matter what, which is why our complete trust is in our Heavenly Father. Whether you have 1 child or 8, the loss of parents is not something you could plan for or anticipate. My husband does have a sizeable life insurance plan covering him, but his belief is that it'll never be used!
What about college?...This seems to be a big problem with people and I've already answered it previously, but here it goes again... We could definitely afford sending them to community college and if they did well, they could then transfer to a four year school. My husband has been teaching both in private and public schools for the past 13 years and has seen many kids do exactly that. Do we really think that it's a parent's duty to pay for their child's entire college education? What about medical or law school? Is that included too? Do you know how many doctors graduate from med school saddled with nearly $100,000 out in educational loans? How many lawyers have similar debt from school? The answer is: most, if not nearly all. My husband and his brother graduated from two of the best schools in the country and when they left, they both had loans out of @ $50,000. They paid for them. Their dad could only pay so much. Do you really think that education is a guarantee of a better life, or his having great character and having Jesus in one's heart more important in determining success? Let me tell you now-- it's not the first option for sure.
Do you know that God can heal all those hurts from your past in an instant? Do you know that He can bring you a joy and a love that nothing on this earth can give you? Rose-- all this stuff is not about family size, it's about the true power and love of God being made real in your life. It's there for everyone who desperately wants it.
{2009}
All of the following is JMOPO.....
I was one of five children...of parents who could not even afford 2 kids....and it was not a lot of fun being the poorest family in our neighborhood.
No vacations, no nice clothes to wear to school..I had to wear my brothers hand me down shoes...my sisters ( TOO large hand me down clothes )....the beat goes on.
All our friends and neighbors were only 1 of two chidlren or 2 of 3 at the most..and they had lots of toys and a bike and rollers skates, NEW shoes and clothes when needed...etc..which we 3 younger children NEVER did.
To be perfectly honest, I always felt cheated..my parents were tired, cranky, and did not have time for all our needs and our FAIR share of their attention.
Being number 4 of 5...I needed more attention than most I am guessing.
The baby ALWAYS gets the most attention it seems, BUT my mother was pregnant again when I was only 9 months old..SO I never remember any extra special attention as "the baby".
My REAL QUESTION would simply be this...if something happend to YOU ( mother) WHO would raise all those children the WAY you would want them to be raised ?
I use to have nigtmares about that when I was young..as all my grandparents were much older and not always in the best of health..and could not afford to raise all of us either.
In fact, 2 of my grandparents lived WITH us.....well, more accurately ..it was THEIR HOUSE...WE LIVE WITH THEM !!! ...it was a houseful to say the least.
JMOPO again.... THIS DAY AND AGE.. a child NEEDS at LEAST a College education to compete in this world.
Even Community College is nowhere near free.
Mother of three, grandmother of 3.
Respectfully, Rose
Dear Sweet Mother of almost 8. Please feel free to delete my post if you wish....as I said, it is just my own personal opinion and personal experiences I was experssing here.
You have beautiful children, and a loving family environment... ...and I wish you the very, very best in the choices you are making for your family.
And I TRULY did not mean to offend you.
Sincerely,
Rose