Friday, November 26, 2010

Who says?

said... It`s almost as if Lincoln and Ruby are pushed to the side, they still need love and affection :(

Dear Anonymous,
Thanks for your concern. No child should be neglected-- but the truth is that children are pushed aside in families and are lacking love and affection even in families with 1 (ONE!!!!) child. There are kids who are deprived of attention in families where there are three or five year gaps between children, so I guess it doesn't matter how many kids you have or how far apart they are, does it?

So what you're implying is that you don't think it's right to have kids so close, because someone's going to be missing out. What happens in the case of twins? Or triplets? Someone's bound to be 'neglected'. How do you evenly spread the love around to two or three newborns? How far apart should they be spread? Does anyone really know?

This is why we let God handle stuff like this-- He knows the exact right time and place for each life to enter this world (the Bible says just that in Acts 17:26). He is the Author and Creator of life.

Since no one, outside of arrogance, could reasonably say that they know the perfect time for a child to be born into this world, then those people who plan and strategize making sure they have met their educational criteria (I need to get my masters degree first), their age requirement (I don't want to have my child before I'm thirty), or secure their financial stability (I need to have X thousands of dollars in my savings account first), are all, in fact, playing God. They are.

Claiming to understand, predict and evaluate the infinite variables involved in the formation of a life once it emerges from the womb is ridiculous. This is why God is God and I am not. To Him, none of these factors matter. He is able to overcome any and all of them. Number of children and when they are born are best and should only be left up to God.

So what about the love part? Well, I love my kids very much. Do they all need the same amount of attention? No. The older they get, the less they need. A fifteen minute conversation with my ten year old on our way to his football practice may be the "love equivalent" to an hour of cuddling and nursing my baby. Similarly, a two year old doesn't need the same amount of affection as a newborn-- his need for affection may be met by sitting on mommy's lap while she reads him his favorite story, or when his daddy lets him play in the tub for awhile before getting him ready for bed.

Of course, there will be times when baby needs to be fed and Ruby's diaper is full and Lincoln fell off his bike and... That's life!

The sooner a child learns that he or she is not the center of the universe, the better! And yes, I really do mean that. Too much 'attention', too much 'affection' can ruin a kid-- for life. Having to wait, not getting what you want all the time, having to share, not being praised for everything you do-- experiencing these aspects of life and learning how to grow with them play an important role in character formation.

I don't want to deny my children the opportunities they have to learn about life from early on. This is a general commentary on the state of the young adults entering society today: They have been given nearly everything they've wanted throughout their lives; They've been the center of attention whether they earned it or not. They've been denied very little. And now they enter into the real world with the mentality that they deserve and are entitled to things-- everything. And then reality hits: they are denied, they are forced to go without, they do not get the attention they're used to. Who do you think is going to respond more favorably? Who do you think will be better equipped to cope with the harsh realities of life? My 'neglected' kids who have learn to deal with these types of things while within the safety of our home or the kids who are facing these types of denials for the first time out in the world? The answer is clear.

Then how do I know how much to give them? I don't know, but I know that if I am willing and I listen to His voice and follow the prompting of the Holy Spirit, then He will help me to give them exactly what they need. The right dose of love, affection, encouragement, discipline, etc.

Besides, when you have a big family, you never get neglected or left out or left behind. There is always someone to hold your hand, to hug you, and to play with.

Trust me, Ruby and Lincoln have not been "pushed aside". As much as anyone, they are enjoying their new little baby-- not wallowing in self-pity at having lost their coveted spot of "the baby of the family".


Rachel and Family said...

I can't believe someone would "anonymously" post that! Lame.

You are RIGHT ON in your answer! All of your children will benefit from your newborn motherly hormones. And as they grow older and into adulthood, they will be so very blessed to have siblings to love and be loved by.

I'm so glad that we gave the burden of choosing our family size to the ONE who decides perfectly.

Kelly said...

WELL SAID! My thoughts exactly!

kay said...

WOW some people have nerve, but then don't sign their comment.

I think you do a WONDERFUL job, maybe there is a LITTLE bit of jealousy there.

Your kids are blessed to be in such a wonderful family. I have never seen a post where you said you or our husband were perfect!

Have a blessed day!

kelli said...

You were righ on in your answer. The joy of coming from a "big" family is that you always have someone around to love and to love you.
Your children are very blessed to have you and your husband as parents. You two love and respect each other, you love god and you love your family.

Cindy said...

Good answer to the anonymous know-it-all. God bless you for even taking the time to answer and you answered perfectly. You are truly blessed!

No Ordinary Me said...

Are you serious???? Someone stated that. Well, You handled that very modest, meek, and Christ-Like.

the bennetts said...

i admire the fact that you made an entire post on that person's comment. that's gutsy- many people would just delete the comment and remain upset. essentially, you put anonymous out there in his skivvies :)

i've only commented once before, but just wanted to encourage you. your family is an encouragement, your love for all of your babies blows me away, and your faith in the Lord spurs me on.

keep on snuggling that sweet new baby, tousling the hair of your eldest, and high-fiving and reading to the ones in between. They all need different and unique attention, and they hardly look like they are in distress about the baby! Good job, sweet mommy!

Anonymous said...

My "babies" are 31 and 38
7 years apart.

Someone touched a nerve with you on that anonymous post.
But you know what they dont know
what goes on in your house.


Mrs.Rabe said...

Well said, Wendy!

I am in total agreement with what you said!

Mercy D'souza said...

I imagine the person who said this isn't a parent, because any parent knows that with each child you have, the others get a little less attention.
When my eldest was a baby he got so much attention from me, probably more than most because he was premature. Now that I've just had my third, I have less time for each one, but I find the kids make up for it by being around me when I am resting or feeding the baby. They are in no way acting jealous or ignored. If anything, they love the baby and want to be around her all the time.

thechattymommy said...

And remember to save this to put it in your book- it could start a whole chapter and I will be the first in line to buy it.
Well said.

Kelly said...

Very well said!!

walkingwithangels said...

very very well said. I see more love in your family than i have seen in many smaller ones.

Lori said...

I have never heard such remarkable words out of the mouth of anyone regarding the children of today. You are unquestionably correct when you said that feel they are the center of the universe and have no "real" clue what the great big world will bring. Having everything one desires growing up should actually be considered abuse in so many ways. We are a always for me, selfish society. I have no question You and your husband will raise exceptional children whether you have 4 more or no more children.I could only wish I had heard some of the things you said raising mine, and that my own parents would have heard your words too when I was growing up.Take care sweet one, evil lurks in many places and most sadly people. Love to you, Lori

Cathy's world said...

When my daughter had her 2nd child, ( a girl) my grandson never blinked an eye at all the attention she needed to give her new little one. She had a bit of a hard time nursing her so a lot of time went into feedings. I can tell you matter of factly that the reason my grandson was so good and so happy is because of all the love that his parents showed him before B was even thought of. (Well,,,grandma has a tiny bit to do with that too!!)Sounds like you guys are a lot like my them. If you raise your children with love and understanding they will be able to adapt to many new and exciting situations. A new life must have made all of your children happy.
And like (walkingwithangels) said. There is more love in your family then smaler ones.
Keep up the great work!

Anonymous said...

I came across your blog just by chance, I immediately thought ~wow eight kids amazing, how do they do it? Then as I scrolled through the post and pictures, I thought, what an amazing family, as my eyes were opened to your loving family through your pictures and post~ I think it just seems rather normal to you to have eight children rather than one or two~so I'm, "high fiving", you for parenting well done~and for your great response to this post. What a great way to honor our, Heavenly Father, for you are truly blessed!

Marla said...

Good for you!I can not believe anyone would say this to you.Though I have gotten some pretty rude comments.Love all that you said!If only everyone could experience the life of a large family!I would have it no other way!God is good!You have an amazing family!Everyoe looks very happy!:)Keep up the good work my friend.