Thursday, September 8, 2011

when big things happen.

Three big things happened in our home over the past couple of weeks.

1) Lincoln was potty trained which makes him a new member of the cousins 'Boys Club'. This is a high honor around our family.
2) We are expecting a baby next Spring (early April).
3) Big C is in the 1st grade, but will be playing on Ethan's 3rd/4th grade flag football team.

The significance of these events, each being their own little milestone, would have motivated me to give my Dad a call. We would have been calling Papa to tell him that Lincoln is now a big boy, that Momma's gonna have another baby and that Big Charlie is finally gonna get a chance to use his muscles.

But since my dad's gone and in heaven, it's times like this that bring the hurt of missing the relationship we had. And with all the thoughts of him circulating in my head, my dreams have been filled with images of him almost every night. Sometimes he is healthy and strong and in others, like the past few nights, he is very sick and too weak to walk. And in the dream, I am carrying him.

Losing someone so important is a big loss and time doesn't heal it-- only knowing that I will see him again.

Pearl was crying for Papa before bed the other night. I told her that Papa is not gone, but to think of him as being on a vacation. And instead of him coming home, he gets to stay there forever. And some day, we'll join him too when God calls us home.


3 comments:

Jeanette said...

aw that must be so hard. I am glad that God is working out so many big and wonderful things in your life - especially the potty training, as in my opinion that is the great milestone and achievement ever! :)

Our Family said...

I love your perspective on our loved ones in Heaven. My 9 year old daughter died from a brain tumor last October and I think that is a wonderful way to think of her. Gone on a long vacation. Thanks for the post!

the bennetts said...

totally agree that time doesn't heal squat. the only peace in my heart about not seeing my mom again until i'm in heaven is that- knowing i WILL see her.

i have felt the same things you have felt- wanting to pick up the phone and tell my mom about my daughter's preschool stuff, about my son's big boy bed and being potty trained. and simply just to ask her again, how on earth do i make that darn gravy?!

my dad told me something that really blessed my heart a couple weeks ago (they have been divorced for 15 years, but they reconciled a week before she died in Feb and he was there with me and my siblings when my mom died). He said: "Isn't it amazing to know that the last time you saw her, won't be the last time you see her?"

Praise the Lord! Praying for you- that the reminder of God's eternal grace would comfort you today, and those days that only you know you're hurting.