Saturday, September 17, 2016

it's me again.


I’m alive and well. 

Much healing on my heart has started and yet, at the same time, it can be torn away all too quickly. The wound becomes reopened and the process starts all over again. 

I’ve stayed in places and with people who make me feel safe since my heart has been so vulnerable. Not a day goes by that my heart doesn’t ache recognizing the hole I have for Sunday. 

Jace has very much been a huge salve for my heart. I am very thankful that he hasn’t outgrown his baby-ness— that he still needs and wants his (hurting) Mama. 

I will admit that I’ve been super busy on a daily basis raising eleven children, homeschooling them and supporting them in all their activities. 

I appreciate the fact that their needs occupy both my mind and a lot of my time, since I am the type of person who has the tendency to dwell in the hurt letting the sadness overtake me. And when those moments do come, I realize that it’s ok, that it’s part of the scar which begins to heal over the brokenness. 

All of that to say: I need to start writing here again. For my children. To record our life. Our memories. Our days. 

After I delivered Sunday, I had so much pouring out of my heart and I wanted to write down each thought, each feeling, each memory of her. But I didn’t. It was too hard to turn the computer on and write. I was too weary and broken. Damaged. But I am finding God all over again and in a new way. An even more personal way. 

So here I am, ready to share my family, my life and our days again. And maybe I’ll find the strength to share about my daughter who I lost while I was 5 months pregnant. A daughter I would be holding next month if she hadn’t passed away. 

13 comments:

lejmom said...

Welcome back....I missed you...

Elicia Gregg said...

Yes!!! I have been thinking about you and hoping that your blogging days were not over. I am so looking forward to your future posts.

Sara said...

Prayers Wendy!!

Jill Funkhouser said...

Glad to see you back...we miss your family

Jo said...

Sending you all the love in the world! I'm glad to see you back.

DONNA BOGIE said...

Welcome back! im looking forward to reading your blog posts :)

pieceofcakelife said...

Glad to see you back

jodi ferrell said...

Glad your back!

Vivian said...

i have missed, prayed and checked every week for a post. happy God is healing your heart.
sending you lots of hugs!

Polly said...

So glad to see you back and blogging. I have missed your posts and pictures. You have been in my thoughts every day, as has beautiful Sunday Rose.

Tami Lewis said...

You have been in my prayers. I missed you and I'm glad you're back.

Daphne P said...

Thank you for posting again! I have been praying for you and pray for God to pour out His blessings on you!!!

Nikki said...

I too am glad to see you are back. Healing takes time so take your time. We will be here when you decide to share . :)