Or should I say crowning.
This memory was fuel to the paralyzing fear I was already experiencing.
At this point, I think it’s important to mention that while driving to the hospital the only thing which kept me from breaking down completely was to speak in tongues in brief spats.
Also-- I have never been a person who has had panic attacks or who has ever had fear to this degree.
So the whole time I was checking in and getting to the labor and delivery floor, I was just managing.
I was given a room at the other end of the L&D wing since many of the rooms were already full.
Right away I could tell that my assigned nurse was not a pleasant one.
Yes, she was nice and seemed competent enough, but she was not hearing me as a woman who was about to give birth; Her demeanor did not put me at ease.
Several of the things I mentioned to her she really didn’t hear because following hospital protocol was more important to her than actually consulting my doctor about the specifics.
For example, when I told her the details {because she asked} about how quickly River came, she mentioned to Daddy that she didn't know what that really meant because you can’t really believe in the accuracy of a women’s birth story.
Then she told me that my doctor probably wouldn't even be coming in to see me until the baby was about to come out.
And to top it all off-- that I would only get the epidural if it worked into the events of the day.
By this time, I was nearly out of my mind... Daddy wasn't in the room for that conversation between me and the nurse, but the moment she left, he walked in and found me in total melt-down, a puddle of hysterical tears.
And the truth is, I have always delighted in giving birth; for my first 7 children, I enjoyed the excitement going to the hospital to have my babies.
It is amazing and unfortunate how my last 3 difficult deliveries have had such a dramatic effect on my mindset going into this birth.
I prayed, read my bible and cried.
I was even at the point of having Daddy call Aunt Tesha to come to the hospital just because she has such a Jesus loving, quiet spirit that I thought would be comforting.
Every bit of me kept crying out to Jesus to help comfort me and give me peace, because I knew that it was only Him who could bring me the comfort I needed and take away the fear at the same time.
At about that moment, an entire turn of events took place.
First, I received a text from Aunt Tesha out of the blue that simply said, "I am praying for you”.
I immediately showed Daddy because I saw God in it.
And then secondly, a few minutes later, in walked my compassionate doctor who was startled and concerned as to why I was crying.
to be continued.....
1 comment:
Wendy, thanks for sharing. she is so beautiful!
hope you are feeling better!
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