Monday, July 15, 2013

would I do it all over again?

I had been emotionally vomiting all over Chris the whole morning and he had been telling me that God would help me, yet in my state of mind at the time, I didn’t have the faith to see it.

I was thinking that there was no way God was going to help. I mean, He wasn’t going to take all the pain away, He wasn’t going to give me an out of body experience while I delivered-- as far as  I was concerned, there are some things that you cannot avoid. And I was going to go through this whether I wanted to or not.

I didn’t envision help arriving in the form of an encouraging text from Tesha at precisely the moment I needed it. Or my doctor walking in when I was at my breaking point.

In the midst of it all, I did not want him (my doctor) seeing me like that because, unfortunately, I care too much about what people think of me even in my darkest moments. But in truth, it was once again God answering my prayers.

Ironically, right before he walked in, I had told Daddy that if I was really brave I would call my doctor’s office across the street from the hospital and have them tell him that I needed to talk him.
And now, here he was in the flesh, Even better. After talking with him, he assured me that none of the things my first nurse mentioned were going to take place.

That things were going to be alright and that he would see to it that my delivery would go the way I had planned. My doctor and I were on the same page. Epidural and all. I didn’t have to throw a fit or demand anything. Thank you Jesus.

In the next few minutes nothing short of a miracle occurred. Immediately, my doctor moved my room to the opposite end of the wing in close proximity to where he would be working.

Then two new nurses walked in to help me relocate and one of them was a nurse who had helped me deliver some of my other children-- a wonderful Christian woman who was now the ‘charge’ nurse on duty.

Even when she had not been assigned to us in the past, she would come in to say ‘hello’, but this time, she was running the show and was literally “in charge” of the other nurses. My heart was instantly put at ease as the whole landscape of my situation had dramatically changed.

God had helped.

My worries were falling off like scales.

I cannot tell you all the things that were going through my mind earlier that morning including the self-condemning thoughts that ride along with fear like I wasn't a good Christian because I had lost my faith so quickly.

But thankfully, God doesn’t judge us that way. Instead He uses these trials to show His love and concern for us so that we may grow in our walk with Him.

Needless to say, even the anesthesiologist was a dream. In the past, I’ve found them to be rather tense and uncommunicative individuals. However, this guy was more outgoing and walked me through each step with a relaxed voice. He even came back and sat in my room for a bit because my blood pressure was very low and I was experiencing pain that I preferred to not have.

Just the fact that he had time in his busy day to come when I needed him was miraculous.

One thing I wished I had done in previous births was bring a cd player. But Daddy was able to get our favorite Christian radio station through our laptop. I closed my eyes through the middle stage of my labor letting the music minister to me. A song called “Just Say Jesus” was on at one point and I began to say the words “Jesus' name is power” right along with my contractions.

Obviously, having very low blood pressure during the whole delivery was a little bit of a concern to me, but my new labor and delivery dream team was exceptional and compassionate.

I was even getting concerned over 'my' doctor delivering me because he was not on-call that evening. When I asked him what was going to happen if I delivered when his 'office' hours were over, his reply was “not to worry”. I prayed that I would deliver before his shift was over at 5 pm.

Not too long afterward, I felt the baby coming. The nurse checked me, I was at a ten and she called the doctor.

When he arrived, I put on my game face and really began to push. 

I was determined to see my new little Tallulah and after only about ten minutes, you had come out. 

You arrived at 5:32 pm.

Would I do it all over again after walking down those streets of fear?

Yes-- only if I have my dream delivery team again...

......or at least an awesome God who delivers us from the pit and always shows Himself to be there for those who call on His name. 

Yes. I’d do it again.


Frugal Jen said...

Congrats!! She is beautiful. I have to tell you reading your blog is wonderful. We have 5 kids and have prayed about adding more. It's inspiring to read about your journey. Thank you for sharing.

A Godly Homemaker said...

Look at all that hair!! Beautiful!